Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
