Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
