i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
