My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize