my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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