the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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