Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize