I'm pants shitting drunk right now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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