someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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