everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
