I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
