very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize