My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
