Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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