My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
