Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
