Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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