she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
