i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
