oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
