Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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