Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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