Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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