my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
