He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
