i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is Oprah even human
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
