Sponge bath it is.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
