If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
