I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
