I think I died a long time ago.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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