alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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