Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
