You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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