i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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