I'm eating all of the evidence.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
