Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
