We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
