it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
