this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
