Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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