I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
