Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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