Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sarcasm needs its own font
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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