I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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