you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
