I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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