no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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