I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
