Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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