Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
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