I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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