Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
