I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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