i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
