Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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