I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
