I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
