i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
