I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize