I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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