note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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