I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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