Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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