is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That's intense
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
