Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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