my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize