i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
