whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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