I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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