I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
