Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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