I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
