wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
