Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize