and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
