no you cant smoke seaweed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
