I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
