Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Enjoy the penises
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
