final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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