my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
