Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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