i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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