it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
