I think I died a long time ago.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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