but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
