I'm passing your future prison.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
