my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
