i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
