and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
