My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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