Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
