Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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