I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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