I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
