That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
