Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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