You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
