do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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