Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize