And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
