shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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