Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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