he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize