i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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