It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
