He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Barsexuality is the new black.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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