I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
