So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
