I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
