I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
