I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
