i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
