Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
