Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
how drunk are you?
Several
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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