Pants 0. Shit 1.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
